They didn’t shower in a month: How I helped a person with Alzheimer’s Disease who refused to bathe

When I worked in a nursing home, I met a gentleman in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease who had refused to shower for weeks. The aides had tried everything they could think of: encouraging, reasoning, even insisting, but each attempt only seemed to make him more resistant. He was frightened, confused, and tired of being told what to do.

One afternoon, I decided to try something different. I brought my ukulele with me, a small instrument that often helps me reach people when words alone can’t. I sat beside him and began playing softly, strumming a tune that felt calm and familiar. After a while, he began tapping his foot ever so slightly. It was a small gesture, but it told me he was present and listening.

As we shared that quiet space, I gently mentioned that there seemed to be a few flies around. Then, softly, I asked if he had noticed any smell. He paused for a long moment, then said he hadn’t noticed. After a bit of silence, I asked, “Would you like to wash up a little?” To my surprise, he nodded.

That day, he allowed the aides to help him shower, not because we forced him, but because we finally connected with him as a person first.

It’s a moment that has stayed with me ever since. It reminded me that sometimes what people need most isn’t persuasion or direction, it’s connection. A genuine conversation. A moment of calm. A bit of music.

Helping him wasn’t just about hygiene; it was about restoring dignity through empathy and creativity. This experience continues to inspire the work I do today, bringing meaningful, sensory-based engagement to older adults wherever they call home.

Because sometimes, all it takes is a little music, patience, and a genuine interest in the person in front of you.